every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
