Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
