Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Everything about him screamed your future.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
