we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
