you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
