did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
