I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
