i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
