I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Randomize
