I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
