I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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