As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
