i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
