So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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