just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
