Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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