my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
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