She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
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