that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
