Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
