Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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