Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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