Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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