If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
