I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
