I wish I could punch you in the face.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize
