Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
