2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
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