Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
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