I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
