That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
