high people should be assigned attendants
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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