You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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