rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
