Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
