At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
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