I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
