I should be sponsored by Trojan
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
