drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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