ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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