Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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