feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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