never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
