I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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