i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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