We're like a lot better than the average bears
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
