Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
