I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
