Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
