First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
