If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
