Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Randomize
